Tuesday, October 12, 2004
huh????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
wats happening? i seriously dun understand. at all. nope its isn't abt my exams or wat. i m surprised. thousand things flying thru my mind now. WAT JUZ HAPPENED??? i guess i will never understand wat other ppl are thinking in their minds. the change in attitude is quite. i meant VERY OBVIOUS. i can see. and i can tell. wat better timing. when i have so many things i need to take care of. arghhhhh!!!!! my brain is gonna burst! did someone said something? did someone made a comment? and i din even know abt it. leaving me to guess WAT HAPPENED? u only heard one side of it. how abt my opinion? do i tink its true or do i tink its juz plain CRAP. nope. no asking. no telling. i m guessing. playing in a guessing game which i always loses. life is full of guesses. i shud know tat very well. but THIS MUCH? it alwaysssssssssssss happened. hard to trust ppl. i m still thinking. WHo say wat? i hate back gossiping. i wun say stabbing. wat back gossiping has been ruining everything i have in life. say. the syf incident in sec2 year. and not exactly tat fantastic year in class this year. i have learnt to be numb. sometimes i get so sick of being numb. i feel like a zombie. devoid of emotions. ignoring the back gossiping. "perhaps they dun really know me as a person tat well yet. a few months only. juz study partners...." blah blah whole lot of excuses.i meant like wat can i do? confront them? i hate getting into more trouble and conflict. when i already have so much things to think abt in my head. but. YOU? i meant like! SHOCK! YOU? someone whom i think i could trust. and really feel at ease with. juz crap and let go and have some crap like "cows swimming?". now. i feel like. i was wrong. again. why do other ppl, other comments from other ppl easily prove me wrong? my hp is more than a free toll number.. HALLO??? *waves frantically* u are toking to a human on the other side!!! juz in case u din realise. i m more aware of my surroundings than you tink i m. being numb has made me shutup and listen and look ard. i have become so observant of the ppl ard me tat i always wonder. think. i m very sensitive to my surroundings. ppl misinterpret my words, actions and they twist it. does some perhaps untruth comments from other ppl really value more than the truth from wat i say? yes? den i m sorry. i m sorry tat u dun trust me anymore. perhaps not even from the beginning. i m sorry tat other ppl's comments can make u ignore me. i m sorry tat i can't guess wat u were thinking. i m sorry tat i will have tis one big question mark stored somewhere in my head which i have no clue it is. ever. sometimes i juz hate life. the power of gossip is too great. my words are meaningless. i m sorry tat i, as a person hold such little value as compared to the words of others. maybe i shudn't care anymore. i m juz guessing all these. it might not even be wat i tink it is. but when u leave me guessing here. i can only tink and guess. i dun know whether its worth making frens anymore. u aren't helping when u ignore too. thanx for the fun times we had though. tinking back makes me hate to give up all these. i dun like to lose contact with ppl i get accquainted with. why does it have to end tis way? so hard to be sincere and make frens. i dun wish to lose tis. if you get wat i mean. tell me wats going on???. clear the watever misunderstanding there is? no point guessing over my side and perhaps ur side too. yup.
got tis from some frenster bulltein.
FEBRUARY:Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal.. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted.Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt.Gets angry really easily but those not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp.Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside.Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
and now. time to worry abt my promos results, the rest of next year's plan and my health.
over and out 11:25 AM